Monday, February 16, 2015

When Love Came Knocking At My Door - I Opened It


By Cathy Harris, Advice Columnist, DearCathy.com

The title might seem fiction but no this is not a fiction story but my story...I guess you can say "My Love Story."  My motto this year is"It's Time To Come Clean in 2015" so this year I will be sharing parts of myself with my waiting audience, hopefully in an effort to help others move forward.

Many women have told me that my love story has aspired them to believe that they too will one day experience true love.  There are many women who have given up on love and so did I.  However, at age 58, love came knocking at my door and I opened it.  I can safely say there has been only two men that I have truly loved in my life.  

The first was the father of my two daughters.  We only spent 7 years together as husband and wife then we went separate ways.  My daughters were only 5 and 6.  From that day forward he chose not to be in my daughter's life because I suspected that seeing me would have been too painful for him.

Of course I am not making excuses for him but it was the way it was back them.  I tried to pursue him to collect child support but he moved around so I gave up and just put my daughters' needs first.

I landed in a good job so I was in a place where I could give my daughters what they needed so when life hands you lemons -- you make lemonade.  Shortly after the departure of my daughter's father, I met a man from the local military base while working on the El Paso, TX border with U.S. Customs. 

My arrival in El Paso was one book opening in my life and another one closing.  It was full of opportunities and possibilities in my life so one night he came walking out of the blue - unexpected.  He looked like a young, black Arnold Schwarzenegger.

He was very quiet and reserved.  So he was pretty hard to figure out.  However, he was so passionate and sweet that he literally blew my mind.  I did not ask him all the important questions that most relationships should because I felt I was just enjoying him for the moment. 

With me working for U.S. Customs and him working in the military, either of us could have been transferred elsewhere at any time so again we were just enjoying each other.

He was always there for the simplest things.  When I had to go outside and jog - he would watch the girls.  I remember him allowing me to take long baths and unwind from a long day at work.  I even remember him brushing my hair as I sat on the floor --  just the simplest things in life.

I can't even tell you to this day how long we were together on the border but it seemed like a whole lifetime.  Before meeting him I had actually put in for a transfer off the border and eventually the transfer came through. 

He also told me that he was due to leave for another port in 30 days so this made my departure much more bearable since he too would be leaving.  But on the day that I left, it was still hard for me.  All I wanted to do was to put the car in park and run and jump into his arms. 

I asked myself over and over again "Was I making a mistake by leaving?"  What was so ironic was the day we, my two daughters and I, left the border -- it was snowing for the first time since my entire 18 months there.   So like meeting him, the snow was magic.

After arriving in Miami, in a few months I got a call from him.  We agreed to have a rendezvous at that time so he traveled to Miami. Those rendezvous turned into several rendezvous over the years. 

We never talked about long range plans because -- like me -- he was still moving around but eventually I thought he was a little selfish for trying to avoid the topic.

I was in Miami for 5 years.  After moving to Atlanta the rendezvous continued - sometimes years apart.  Even though I had a feeling that Atlanta would probably be my home for a while since I was born only 2 hours away and my main reason for returning was for my daughters, then 13 and 14, to be around my family before they went off to college - somehow in the back of my mind, I always knew that one day I would leave. 

The last time I met him was about 3 years ago when I flew in from Atlanta to Austin, TX.   By then I did crave to have a deeper conversation with him about us, but like always, he avoided the conversations.

Because of his busy schedule working shift work at night and with his hobbies, recovering classic cars and weightlifting, I don't think he could have made room for me in his life so again words were left unsaid.  

He had been busy all these years being the father of 4 kids after his divorce, and me, 2 kids after my divorce -- so this brought both of us, joy and happiness and kept us busy.

I was extremely careful not to bring men around my daughters because they grew up during the Ricki Lake (TV Host) era, where many couples chose relationships over their children. 

My daughters can never make the statement that "My mom allowed all types of men to come around us."  I dated here and there but none of my past relationships could add up to him. 

After he retired a few months ago, he emailed me.  When I saw the email I was trying not to respond because by then I had left Atlanta and had traveled to 15 states in 2013 in order to live my dreams and I was in search of a new home and new life. 

And because I felt that he had been selfish over the years by avoiding talking about building a life together, I avoided his emails.  I was very happy after living my dreams and had settled down in a new city, Philadelphia, so I did not want him to taint my new life. 

Again it was like one book closing and another book opening which meant my life was now full of opportunities and possibilities not just for my business but for love.

Even though I had resigned to being by myself for the rest of my life, I eventually responded back to his emails and he called me and he said all the right words that a woman wanted to hear especially that he love me and that I was always the woman for him.  He also said that he regret never making room for me in his life all those years ago.  And that he would do anything to get back those years and to have me in his life for the rest of his life.

I then felt if I had gotten with this man earlier in my life, we would probably be separated today because the timing wasn't right but now somehow it was. 

So after not really being satisfied with my move to Philly, I left and went to Austin to be with him and found myself in the arms of my true love.  It takes work everyday to build the life that we can truly love but now I know we are committed to doing just that. 

I believe there are 4 areas which couples need to build around - Love, Communication, Trust and Respect.  There must be love in the first place in order for you to be in someone's life; You must be able tocommunicate everyday of your relationship which means no words should be left unsaid; You must have trust that when the both of you get out of bed everyday, the other person will put the other person's needs first - always; and respect is very important because once couples start losing respect for each other, everything changes - and not for the better.

My relationship with my mate is fairly new but we both know what we want out of the life for the rest of our lives so knowing what you want and what you are willing to do to get it -- will be key to living the type of life that you truly want.

I am really not in a position to advise couples because I have been single for a while but I worked in a mostly male-dominated industry and all my male co-workers had wives and many of these guys would come to me for love advice.  They even called me "Dr. Ruth" -- so I am well aware of what goes on in most relationships.

I have been around people all my life and all people are the same.  Single people especially women, need to stop saying that they are going to wait until they get married to travel the world or wait until they get married to buy their dream home and other luxuries of life that they truly desire. 

If you truly desire to do these things, then don't wait.  If you continue to wait for a mate to live your dreams, then you might not never live your dreams.  And don't forget the reasons that many people are not living their dreams - is because of their mates. 

Many times it's your mate that will hinder you from truly living your dreams -- so again don't wait.  What everyone need to understand is that sometimes it is meant for you to travel this world alone without a mate.  It does not mean that you are not worthy and that you are not living a worthy life.

The goal is to figure out your true purpose and get out there and live it before you leave this earth.  Do the things that you were truly put on this earth to do and have fun doing it.

My biggest reluctance about getting with a mate as I aged was that I had been on my death bed in 2008, housebound and bedridden, basically from eating toxic foods and living in a toxic environment -- and I did not want to end up in a relationship with a mate, where I would have to become a nurse maid to him. 

I did not want to get with a mate where his unhealthy habits rubbed off on me especially after my experience in 2008.  I have talked to tons of women where this happened to them.  Eventually many of these women walked away from these types of relationships and I don't really blame them. 

What everyone need to realize even at any age, that no mate is going to make you happy.  I truly believe to find true happiness, you have to work on yourself first and live the life that you solely desire - then you can attract the kind of mate that you can be truly happy with. 

I am now in the third act of my life.  The first 30 years was the first act and the second 30 years was the second act.  As I turn 60 next year, this is the last act of my life and I have to get it right.  So I am looking forward to all that life has to offer. 

The good thing is my mate and I have history, so we have good times that we can build upon.  However, we will not focus on the life we could have had together but instead we will focus on the life that we can build together now and be happy.

There are 5 points that I want everyone to walk away with by reading my story:
1.  Don't try to commit yourself to a person who is obviously not ready for you to be in their life.  When it is time - it will or won't happen.
2. Don't put your dreams on hold waiting for the right person to come into your life.  Get out there and lives your dreams.
3.  If you are in a relationship where your partner devalues who you are - then move on.  For all you women, never forget that "one man's loss is another man's treasure" - so if you are being mistreated...another man will probably treat you like the queen that you are.
4.  Guys...when you see that woman and you know she is a diamond -- don't spend an entire lifetime getting with her.  Always keep her close...and make her a part of your life -- before you lose her to another man.  If you know that she is special -- then other men will know that also.
5. Be grateful for all your life experiences whether you are walking this earth with a mate or alone.  Love every minute of your life!

Cathy Harris is an Empowerment and Motivational Speaker.  She is an Advice Columnist at DearCathy.com and is the author of 21 non-fiction books and can be reach through her empowerment company, Angels Press, P.O. Box 19282, Austin, TX 78760, website: http://www.angelspress.com, email: info@angelspress.com.  She is available for lectures, seminars and workshops atwww.CathyHarrisSpeaks.com. 

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Welcome to DearCathy.com


Jan. 13, 2015

Hello Everyone I Am Here to Motivate You Into Action:

It's already Jan. 13, 2015...wow.  It's never too late to make New Year's Resolutions which are nothing but goals so don't forget to DO YOU IN 2015.  Make sure you write down a list of things that you want to accomplish in 2015.  Remember "It's Time To Come Clean in 2015" which means it's time to be really truthful about your life.

I am so busy at this point in my business that I don't know if I will be able to keep up bi-weekly posts.  My first writing event in Austin was cancelled on Jan. 10, 2015 due to the weather but that did not discourage me!  Would you believe the entire city of Austin closed down on a Saturday?

When I held these writing events in Atlanta, I had audience participants come all the way from California and Texas because they were ready to take action -- so I hope people did not come that far for the event.  Now I know better and as a speaker and trainer, I will stay away from winter months to set up events in the community.  

What you need to understand is writing a book is not only a hot topic but it is one of the most sought after careers out there.  However, I am very passionate about teaching my audience about their health because "You Can't Be Wealthy - If You Are Not Healthy" and "Your Health is Your Wealth."  If you have not put your health first then you are probably setting yourself up for failure in 2015 so don't forget to check out "Cathy Harris 12 Steps To Wellness." 

Just like most of you I am running out the gates to accomplish my New Year goals.  As an Empowerment Speaker, I don't really set too many New Year goals anymore but I set projects.

At one point a few years ago I would write down 10 to 20 things that I wanted to accomplish throughout the year.  But now since I have accomplished most of my goals at this point in my life, I now have projects. 

My first project of the New Year was to set up a new website  -"DearCathy.com" www.DearCathy.com with a new title "Advice Columnist" and new blog - http://www.DearCathy-AskCathy.blogspot.com -- so I could be in a position to answer even more questions. 

At 58 I really would like to delete some of my pages on my websites at www.cathyharrisspeaks.com but in order to be in a position to influence even more people in the world, it was important to put up this new page and new blog. 

However, at my age, I realize clearly that I have 40% of my productive life still left ahead of me, so therefore, I need to keep building and keep helping others.  With a home-based business like my empowerment and publishing company, AngelsPress.com, I can run it until I reach 80 years of age.  It's great to have a business where everyday seems like a vacation.
  
Pros and Cons of Home-Run Businesses

There is a great satisfaction of being your own boss.  But should you work from home?

PROS:
1. Freedom: When you work at home you do enjoy a lot of flexibility to set your own schedule. You don't have to punch a clock.
2. Low Overhead: You don't need to spend money renting a space.
3. Control: Many entrepreneurs have children and find working at home helps them fit their kids into their working day.
4. Time: Folks who work at home save a lot of time. The commute is short because they save a bunch on gas.
5. Lifelong Gig: If you choose to work at home, you can continue working through your senior years. You might never want to retire.
  
CONS:
1. Lack of Discipline: You might find you miss the structure of a job. Too much freedom for some is unproductive.
2. Loneliness: Many who work "home alone" find it lonely. Feedback and camaraderie might be more up your alley.
3. Lack of Support: You'll be a one-person show calling all the shots from handling sales to playing mail room clerk. There are no typists, bookkeepers or receptionists to turn to on a daily basis.
4. No Regular Paychecks: One must have enough capital saved to make it through the often lean start-up phase.
5. No Benefits: In the U.S. healthcare is outrageously expensive. It's a shock when you explore your options.

The same posts on the DearCathy.com website will also be on the new blog at http://www.DearCathy-AskCathy.blogspot.com -- where you can forward the questions and responses to family and friends along with social media websites and even make a comment.  Let this be the year where we learn to share more information with each other so help me spread the word on the new website.   

I am excited about this project and it is COMPLETE!!!  I will try to answer a new question every day so feel free to email me your questions at AskCathy@DearCathy.com and check the page and blog often to stay updated on all the great information that will be posted there.

My other two projects that I am setting up include to record more audiobooks, 10 at least.  I went walking the other day in the park close to my home in Austin and I listened to "How To Write A Book: The Complete Guide to Writing and Selling Your Own Paperback and E-book" by yours truly (ME) and I can't believe how great it sounds.  

I did a great job on that audiobook so for those of you in a position to download the audible.com app and listen to audiobooks on your phone, laptop, desktop, or mini-pad -- then do it!

This is a great way to get aboard the information highway.  I had walked for close to 3 hours and did not even realize it because I was listening to the audiobook on my phone.  I also have the PHYSICAL audiobook if you would like to order it. 

It's on two CDs so the total cost is $20.00.  To buy the physical audiobook - "How To Write A Book: The Complete Guide to Writing and Selling Your Own Paperback and E-book" send $20.00 by paypal.com to my email info@angelspress.com or send a check, money order or cash to my address at Cathy Harris, P.O. Box 19282, Austin, TX 78760.

Another project include to put together more youtube.com postings at "Cathy Harris TV".  Again I want to thank everyone for helping me spread the word on my business and don't forget to DO YOU IN 2015!!!  

If you have any type of question feel free to email me at AskCathy@DearCathy.com or call anytime Monday - Friday - 1:00 p.m. - 5:00 p.m. central for a FREE 15 minute consultation to discuss your health or business ideas.

 
"When We Help Others Succeed - We All Succeed." 


Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Do You in 2015


Dec. 30, 2014

by CathyHarrisSpeaks.com, Empowerment & Motivational Speaker

Too many of us are stuck in places and have not come up with definite plans of action to get unstuck.  As everyone prepare for a comeback from this mini-depression in 2015, my advice is to DO YOU IN 2015.  First you need to come totally clean with your life then figure out what will truly make you happy.


As most of you know through my business, AngelsPress.com, an empowerment and publishing company and as an Empowerment Guru, I often tell my audience to feel free to ask me any questions so that my advice can help them move forward.  A reader recently asked me how could she get national magazines to take her freelance articles. 

My response was to DO YOU IN 2015.  Because of the economy, most or many of these national magazines are about to go out of business.  Over the past few years, we have watch the quality of many of these magazines reach an all-time low.  These magazines have always catered to their advertisers who don't always have a positive message.

Essence Magazine is now white-owned and the quality of their articles have really deteriorated.  After 63 years Jet Magazine has gone from print to digital only so why are you trying to get your articles in national magazines when they are struggling to hang on by a thread?

I do believe, however, that every black household need to have a digital and paper subscription to BlackEnterprise.com.  

 
Technology has changed everything and we have not seen anything yet.  Since we now live in a new digital age, national magazines that have not changed their format won't survive.  So therefore, my advice to you is to DO YOU IN 2015

Since you have been gifted or been blessed with the ability to write -- then you have one of the best talents in the world.  Many people won't be able to start a business in this lifetime or express themselves simply because they don't have the ability to put their words on paper.  Not everyone can write especially since that took cursive out of most schools.

Being able to write means you can become a 'voice for the voiceless.'  So get your own audience instead of trying to get the audiences of these national magazines.  There are billions of people in the world so carve out your own niche.

A niche is a place or position suitable or appropriate for a person or thing.  As an Empowerment and Motivational Speaker who continues to conduct extensive research and who has access to a large amount of information, I specialize in 'Self Help' and 'How To' information. 

I put this information out to my own audience in the form of articles, books (e-books, paperback books, and audiobooks), newsletters, radio shows -- The Cathy Harris Show, youtube.com postings Cathy Harris TV, teleseminars and soon webinars, and empowerment seminars and workshops at www.CathyHarrisSpeaks.com.

My advice to you is to stop running behind these national networks and create your own network.  With all the social media networks out there -- Facebook.com, Twitter.com, Linkedin.com, Instagram.com, Pinterest.com, Ning.com, Yahoogroups.com, Google hangouts - just to name a few, there are billions of people waiting to get your message so DO YOU IN 2015

At one time I was just as guilty as others.  When I initially became a whistleblower, TheCathyHarrisStory.com, in 1999, and because the media was the best outlet for a whistleblower, I ran behind civil rights leaders to help me keep my story in the media.  

I also ran behind media entities to help me tell my story -- until I became a civil rights leader, a freelance writer and a syndicated columnist and started writing my own line of articles to tell my own story. 

No one knew my story better than me so it was important that I told my own story initially in my first book in 2001"Flying While Black: A Whistleblower's Story" which has been revised into two books "The Cathy Harris Story: A Whistleblower's Victorious Journey to Justice" and "The Failure of Homeland In-Security: The Government's Dirty Little Secrets from an Insider"under my own company, AngelsPress.com.

Most people spend their entire lives running behind these national networks which have readers that have literally put their lives on hold.  According to experts, over 95% of people are drifting through life and 5% is making something turn up.  So you need to decide if you will be in the 95% or the 5%. 

I am definitely in the 5%.  Get your own audience and get out there and educate people.  Even though I think it's important to form business alliances and strategic partnerships, it's important that you start off by DOING YOU.  

Many people are so desperate to be a part of something -- that they get involved in negative networks, for instance, many African Americans join groups dealing with Network and Multi-Level Marketing (aka Pyramid Schemes). 

As everyone prepare to make a comeback from this mini-depression, what we need right now is 'everyone on deck.'  Everyone with the abilities to educate, inform and empower need to get off the sidelines or come out of the shadows and create their own empowerment networks.

We need mobile training centers, empowerment institutes, non-fiction book clubs, Let's Read Campaigns, etc. and every home, car, and office must literally become a learning center.  
In your home it's imperative that you listen to FREE teleseminars, low-cost webinars, teachings on social networking sites especially on YouTube.com (Cathy Harris TV).

It's estimated that most people especially our youth watch at least 7 to 8 hours of TV everyday.  If you are not looking at discovery channel, animal channel, history channel, financial shows and other empowerment networks on TV -- then there is no reason that your TV should be on. 

Every child need to have their own reading devices versus TVs.  Amazon.com, the largest online book publishing website, have tons of FREE e-books.  

In your car you need to listen daily to empowerment audiobooks while you drive -- instead of 'booty-shaking' music.  Unlike in the past, there are very few positive radio networks out there and you can't expect the ones that are left to offer good educational shows.  It's never going to happen!

If you work in a workplace and you get 30 minutes to an hour for lunch then sit in your car or another quiet place and read books (e-books, paperbacks, audiobooks), listen to educational shows or youtube.com postings.  

Only 3% of Americans have library cards so it's imperative for everyone to get back into the library.  Go to the library at least once or twice a week and find out what your public library has for you in books (ebooks, paperbacks and audiobooks), CDs, DVDs, recycled magazines, newspapers, etc.

Just some of the ways everyone can educate themselves in a new field include -- 2 Year Community Colleges; 4 Year Colleges and Universities; Technical Schools; Adult Education Classes; Online Internet Courses; Correspondence Courses; Unemployment Offices; Small Business Administration (SBA.gov); Small Business Development Centers (SBDC); Service Corps of Retired Executives (SCORE.org) - just to name a few.

People learn differently but 'self-education' will be key if you plan on turning your life around.  If you are a detail-oriented person then you might do better reading books and other material to learn but if you have a hard time focusing, you will probably do better asking questions and taking notes at community classes, seminars and workshops or even listening to educational radio shows, teleseminars and webinars from your home.

Mainstream media monitors internet radio and other social media networks for their stories so these are great ways to build your own national network.

There is no white horse coming to rescue anyone.  You are the white horse -- so that person in the mirror (Y-O-U) can be your 'best friend' or your 'worst enemy' so don't forget to work on you first.  

The goal is to "Change Your Food and Change Your Life."  Because foods affects every area of your life from your mood, to your behavior, to your happiness and your enjoy quality of life -- make sure you are getting your daily dose of good, natural and raw nutrients in your diet while you clean up your environment by going totally natural from head to toe.

Then implement the 12 steps into your life at "Cathy Harris 12 Steps To Wellness" which came directly from my first health book How To Take Control of Your Own Life: A Self-Help Guide to Becoming Healthier Over the Next 30 Days (Series 3)" -- so read that book.

Once you work on you -- everything around you will change.  You will be ready to live a balanced life and your brain will finally be in syn with your body and life will hand you all types of possibilities and opportunities for living a great life.  But first and foremost you have to show up in your own life and take back control of your own life and DO YOU.

You can read more empowerment blog posts at "Cathy's Purposeful Life Journey Blog."  Cathy Harris is an Empowerment and Motivational Speaker, Non-GMO Health and Wellness Expert, Business and Self-Publishing Coach and the author of over 20 non-fiction books.  She can be contacted through her empowerment company at Angels Press, P.O. Box 19282, Austin, TX 78760,http://www.angelspress.com, email:info@angelspress.com.  She is available for health, business and self-publishing seminars and workshops atwww.CathyHarrisSpeaks.com.